I have a dream.

So, I don't know if anyone realizes this but I'm actually filled with a lot of doubt and indecision.  I suppose it's not uncommon.

Where is today's post coming from?

I know that folks know why I originally started this blog.  I wanted to use the talent I have to make my in-laws lives better, while taking care of them.  (And let me assure you, I'm still not positive that talent is the right word here.)  We all know how that turned out, and this post isn't to dwell on it.

Unsurprisingly, the folks who visit here on a semi-regular basis (and really, I only post on a semi-regular basis, so I'm just thrilled that people enjoy my insanity enough to keep visiting) are knitters.  I know, shocking!  Knitters would rather make their own stuff than buy something someone else knit... after all, knitters are enterprising and intelligent people who can also do stuff with string.  *wink*  Again, shock and awe!

So, the original purpose of this is not being terribly well served.  And this is okay, I'm enjoying the ride and the excuse to knit my brains (what little still survive) out!

But, there are still things I'd like to do around the house to make it nicer.  Fencing the yard so shorty has a safe place to play would be a start.  We live on a numbered road that the great State of NH cares for, so we get a lot of faster-than-it-should-be traffic as you can well imagine.

Add to that, I want so very much to be in a position to give space to my folks when they're ready for it.  And overtime or chances for extra work at work are far and few between in my current position.  Not that I don't have to work overtime to get the job done, but it's not approved overtime... just what is necessary.  So, yeah.

This is completely inappropriate, but I keep flashing on the "I had a dream" section of Rose's Turn (done really well by this actor in Glee):

So, completely inappropriate given that I hate being in the lime-light and have horrible foot-in-mouth when in person.  (So bad, it should be illegal!)  In fact, those 2 things may be an effect + cause kind of thing.  And also completely inappropriate given that I am not attempting to shove my family into the lime-light either.  Also?  Not good to watch while working, because it always makes me cry.  Ah well.

But what all this rambling boils down to is, while I had my broken arm I spent a lot of time designing.  I even have a shawl design that I'm afraid to cast on for, although that's another post in the making (Orenburg meets Japanese Stitch-Dictionary... what was I thinking??).  I didn't just design lace.  I did a lot of lace thinking, but I also did some sweater thinking, some colorwork thinking, some small-but-useful-project thinking...  and I've been writing them up.

I have a small collection of the first year of 200 shawls.  I have a handful of discrete 'other' patterns that just kind of happen when you think about what to wear the shawl over.  Or what kinds of things would be fast and loved by recipients.

But is this something people would even be interested in?  I'm wordy.  Each of the patterns I've written has a techniques section, and a little bit about the how and why the idea came about.  They're not short, either.  Although I've come up with a 'clever idea' to get around that.

But am I being presumptuous?  I'm a kook who knits on her front porch in the middle of summer, and who wants everyone to love knitting as much as she does.  I'm not a great knitter.  I'm not a wise knitter.  I'm not a visionary, or a pioneer... I'm just me.  There are so many great designers, and great Knitters out there.  Is there room for a Just Me?

It's funny, but the ideas don't stop.  I was worried that I'd run out of ideas (although my problem seems to be that I need to knit them about 7 times apiece before I'm satisfied with them).  Instead I find that the more I come up with, the deeper the well goes.  Simple things, complex things, crazy things that make me faint-hearted to think about knitting.  Some days, I'm writing seeds of ideas down on napkins in the middle of writing emails just trying to keep ahead of them.

But (said to the tune of the video above) all this work, and would people like it?  All that time, and would people buy it?  Am I nuts, or should I go for it?

Blah blah blah...

So, if you've read this far through my fears and my indecision, I thank you.  I know today is a bit of a heavy post and I apologize.  I'm a weird mixture of excited and maudlin today.  But on the other hand, I do have some sneaky-peek shots to share.

That last one is for you texture lovers out there.  You know who you are ;)

I think I'm going to put up a poll.  Is anyone interested in the stuff I'm writing?  Would you buy it?  Am I smokin' crack?  Hahaha.  Anyway, if folks who visit would take the time to vote in the poll I'd be really grateful.

Happy knitting, and may you find your dreams.